


Heart Fixer

by slowlystumblingalong



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-07-11 23:43:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7075537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slowlystumblingalong/pseuds/slowlystumblingalong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a heart surgeon cant fix their own broken heart maybe all it takes is someone else to do it for them.  </p>
<p>or</p>
<p>Surgeons AU with loose ties to Grey's Anatomy</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was the usual weekly meeting with a smattering of residents and attendings. Abby Griffin stood at the front of the room, authoritative and commanding respect as always, outlining weekly plans and where the hospital needed to be better. It was a crucial part of being chief of surgery but a tedious part all the same. Hospital politics often took precedence over actual surgeries for someone in her position and whilst she had coveted the job Abby wished she could do a little less paperwork and a little more getting her hands dirty, or bloody as it would be. 

Clarke Griffin sat in on the meeting, trying to listen intently but her brain often running away with all the things she had to get done in her shift, a shift sure to turn into overtime. It had been a busy time in the Pediatrics wing, the usual attending on maternity leave and the hospital budget not being able to stretch for cover. Clarke, as the most senior Peds resident had found herself unofficially promoted and whilst she generally enjoyed the extra workload and hours in the operating theatre she definitely wasn't getting paid for it. 

"And finally we have found our new Cardio attending"

Abby's slightly raised voice snapped Clarke's attention back to her mother. It had been a pertinent question over the last few weeks, who would replace the retiring Dr Smith as head of Cardiovascular, and everyone waited with baited breath for the revelation.

"Dr Lexa Woods has agreed to join us from New York, I'm sure you have all heard of her work" Abby gave a pointed look to the rest of the doctors in the room "this is a big deal for us and Dr Woods will attract lots of attention and more importantly funding to the hospital so please make her welcome when she arrives next week" she carried on, aiming her words at some of the more frosty attendings. Anya James, Trauma extraordinaire, certainly received a harsh glance.

Murmurs slowly made their way around the room, the doctors certainly enjoying a good gossip and the aloof but brilliant Dr Woods certainly offering a good subject. 

Lexa Woods would definitely be a high profile appointment and frankly Clarke was mystified as to why the surgeon would even chose to come to Seattle in the first place. She was somewhat of a Cardio prodigy, training under Indra Black before gaining her own notoriety with her impressive if slightly unorthodox techniques and ground breaking studies and clinical trials. She had attracted attention in New York and Seattle was seemingly a bit of a downgrade, even if it was an attending position she would be taking. 

"OK people let's get to saving lives" Abby bellowed cutting off the increasingly loud whispers.

Clarke followed the other doctors in leaving the meeting room, her busy morning schedule keeping her from thinking any further about Lexa Woods. 

***

It wasn't until lunch time that Clarke finally got the chance to take a break. She had finished her rounds for the morning, attending to every patient that needed seeing to and planning courses of action. Now she had a spare half hour before a fairly routine appendix surgery would occupy her afternoon. 

"So what do you think?" Raven questioned vaguely as she came to join Clarke at her table in the courtyard.

"Of?" Clarke asked back not following the girl’s thoughts though to be fair she rarely did. 

Raven and Clarke had come to the hospital together as interns quickly becoming close friends and eventually roommates. Where Clarke chose to go into Pediatrics Raven instead opted for neurosurgery, a fitting choice for someone with a spectacularly brilliant brain. Clarke had always prided herself on being the smartest in the room, the top of her class in both high school and college. Upon meeting Raven she soon learned that there would be no way she could compete with the girl, a fact she was okay with considering very few people could. 

"Dr Woods you idiot" their other roommate Octavia supplied from behind Raven in the lovingly bullish way only she could manage. 

"Oh right, it's a big get" Clarke supplied understanding the influx of attention Lexa would bring to the hospital. 

"It's huge" Octavia replied through mouthfuls of her sandwich "Honestly I can't wait, Dr Smith was too old I need to learn off of someone who actually understands 21st century methods" she continued once she had swallowed her mouthful, the excitement clearly evident in her voice. 

Octavia had chosen Cardio to be her specialty and had always been of the opinion that the practically archaic Dr Smith was holding her back. More than a few times Clarke had heard Octavia refer to the man as a dinosaur whilst criticizing his methods. 

"I've heard she's a bit of an asshole" Raven offered, picking at her fruit salad with her fork an expression of disdain on her mouth at the browning fruit. 

"Aren't all heart surgeons?" Clarke laughed 

"Hey I resent that" Octavia argued 

"I just mean as a group you tend to have healthy egos" Clarke corrected earning a shrug from Octavia, the other girl conceding that her ego certainly was healthy. 

"Well I don't know about the asshole part but she's certainly aloof" Clarke turned to speak to Raven "apparently she's had publications begging her for personal interviews but the most she will give them is articles on her work and studies, outside of that stuff no one really knows anything about her, I couldn’t even tell you what she looks like under her mask and scrub cap"

It was a curious situation, most surgeons in the position of Dr Woods had their faces plastered all over medical journals, craved the fame and attention that came with being a surgical genius. Lexa Woods meanwhile, much like her mentor Indra, had maintained a strict distance from the limelight instead preferring to let her work do the talking. It would have cost her a bit of money for sure, the sums the medical journals offered up could be huge. 

"Eh aloof is just one step away from asshole" Raven shrugged "How did your mom manage to get her anyway?" 

"God knows, I have no idea why she would want to come here, even as an attending"

It wasn't that Seattle Grace was a bad hospital, the skill of their surgeons and test results of their interns definitely proved otherwise. In recent years however board issues meant that funding had dried up and with it the opportunity to conduct research and studies that brought about a good name in the industry. 

"Not like she will need the funding" Octavia supplied "she's got people falling over themselves to offer up money, that won't change just because she's here" 

It made sense, the benefactors would follow Dr Woods wherever she went, she was too big a commodity for them not to. It was why she was such a big coup for the hospital. Clarke was certain her mother would be over the moon. 

"Anyway I have an appointment with OR 3" Clarke set her empty coffee cup down on the table "I'll see you two back at the house, god knows when" 

The two surgeons offered their goodbyes coupled with sympathetic glances. Even by a doctor's standards Clarke had been working long hours for the past few months. It was starting to show too, her cheekbones just a little more hollow than usual and her hip bones now jutting out in a way that had never been familiar. 

***

The surgery went well as expected, no nasty surprises meant the routine appendectomy remained routine. Clarke had told the parents the good news and ensured the young patient was settled on the ward before going back to her office to plow into the mountains of paperwork currently making itself at home on her desk. 

It was getting late, the bright artificial lights taking over from any sunlight that had previously been present. It wasn't late enough for Clarke to be tired though, her body now well practiced in maintaining long hours and erratic work schedules.

"Knock knock" Abby said quietly whilst tapping on Clarke’s open office door. 

Clarke looked up from her paperwork, smiling fondly at the sight of her mom in the doorway. 

"You heading off?" She questioned taking note of the bag slung over the woman's shoulder. 

"Hmm in a minute, your father wants to have dinner together" Abby smiled "but first we need a catch-up it's been too long since we've had a chat" she entered the room sitting on the couch in the corner and beckoning for Clarke to join her.

Clarke did so without argument, curling into her mother's side and letting out a long sigh as her body relaxed into her embrace.

"I'm sorry I've been so busy, I meant to come and see you and dad on the weekend it's just .." Clarke waved her hand instead of offering up anything further. She had been called in to tend to a patient late Saturday night and collapsed on her couch in exhaustion the following day instead of going to see her parents. 

"It's fine honey, I know how busy you've been" Abby's hand came to rub comforting circles on Clarke's back "hopefully now with Dr Woods arriving the board may increase our funding, we could get you some help or at least a better contract"

"How did you manage to swing that anyway?"

"Hmmm?" Abby hummed in question, hand still continuing its ministrations. 

"Lexa Woods, how did you get her to come here, did you sell your soul to the devil" Clarke laughed knowing her mother just might if it meant getting the hospital back on track. 

"Quite the opposite actually, she contacted me" 

"Really?" Clarke almost gasped in shock, her eyebrows pulling down into a confused frown.

"I know I was surprised too, I had heard she had been out of action for the last six months and most suspected she was either contract haggling or considering her options. We didn't even bother to go after her though, she would have cost too much, then last week out of the blue she calls my office, said she had seen the position offered online. She took exactly what we offered, it was ludicrous, other hospitals must have offered her over triple of what we could give" her mother finished the story with a dumfounded expression, one that Clarke matched. 

It just didn't make any logical sense.

"Still it’s a big deal so well done chief of surgery" Clarke tapped her mom's knee earning herself a small laugh.

"I'm not sure I actually did anything but I will take the congratulations all the same"

Clarke's pager interrupted the moment and the girl couldn't help but let a groan escape her lips, Abby patting her daughters head in understanding. 

"Say hi to dad for me" Clarke said standing from the couch and stretching her arms above her head. She moved her abdomen from side to side as she did so hoping to ease some of the tension that had settled into her body. 

"Will do honey" Abby kissed Clarke’s cheek "I might try and get him to visit during the week" she continued before walking out of the room. Clarke could barely offer a nod in response before running off to meet the intern who had paged her. 

***

The house was quiet when she got home almost 72 hours after her shift had started. Clarke had managed a few hours here and there of restless sleep in on-call rooms but apart from that she had been on her feet almost the entire time. Needless to say she was exhausted and so returning home to a silent and still house was definitely welcome. 

She had seen Octavia at the hospital when her shift had ended and knew that Raven was almost as exhausted as she was, the other girl keeping long hours to run some study on brain function that mostly went over Clarke's head. Neurology had never been her favorite field and although she had to learn the basics Clarke's knowledge didn't really extend further than that. 

Thankfully she had the next day completely off, a rare day that she would be able to spend completely and blissfully away from the hospital. She wasn't even on call so there was no way in which her peace could be interrupted. Not even bothering to set an alarm she collapsed into her bed, sweaty dark blue scrubs still on and white slip-ons just barely kicked off. 

She woke up fourteen hours later, the best sleep she had managed in a while. For half an hour Clarke just sat upright on the headboard of her bed, thrumming through her phone, catching up on messages and various social media applications. Then she made her way slowly to the kitchen, pouring herself some lucky charms and eating her cereal in front of the TV whilst watching cartoons, she had to have something to talk to her patients about after all and besides Clarke was still a kid at heart. 

It was how she normally liked to wake up, slowly and steadily easing herself into the day at her own pace. It wasn't a luxury she was generally afforded and so when she did get mornings like this she cherished them. 

Her peace was soon interrupted by a crash at the bottom of the stairs, a worse for wear looking Raven soon appearing in the lounge rubbing her elbow that she had just smacked into the wall. 

Clarke took one look at the girl and burst out laughing. Judging by the messy hair and mascara smudged down her cheeks Raven had had a big night. 

"I thought you would have used last night to catch up on sleep?" Clarke asked once her laughter had subsided. 

"So did I but Monty dragged me out after we got some positive results” the girl answered, her eyes shutting tightly in a wince as she did so. 

Raven had been conducting her study with Monty Green, her favorite lab tech and a good friend of theirs. Monty also liked to party which meant that Clarke and Raven often found themselves at Grounders, the bar closest to the hospital that was often filled to the brim with Settle Grace staff. 

"Good night?"

"Pretty dead really but I did enter the sweepstakes"

"Sweepstakes?" Clarke questioned, extremely out of the loop with the current goings on amongst the doctors.

"We are betting how long it will take Dr Woods to make one of the interns cry" Raven smirked "I've gone fairly modest with a week but I figure it will take at least a few days for her to settle in" 

Clarke just shook her head, a smile on her lips knowing that the sweepstakes were generally good natured. 

"Why do we think she's going to make people cry again?"

"Asshole remember" Raven tapped her own head with two fingers "Plus she trained under Indra Black, possibly the scariest surgeon, no person, in all of America" 

"I will give you that one" Clarke conceded, Dr Black's reputation certainly preceded her. 

"If she is anything like Indra Black our new class of interns will be quaking in their boots in no time. Crap maybe a week was a little too safe" Raven scowled at her own mistake. 

"You're ridiculous"

"Don't pretend you didn't bet on how long it would take for Bellamy to sleep with one of the interns, actually you won that bet if I remember correctly"

"I don't remember that, must have been delirious" Clarke smiled before turning back to her cartoons. 

Raven just scoffed in response. 

***

She spent the day making her way through some of Settle's art galleries, excited to take in any new additions she may have missed over the past few months. It was a favorite pastime of hers, in fact Clarke was certain that had she not followed in her mother's footsteps she would have undertaken an art degree instead. She enjoyed painting and drawing as much as she enjoyed cutting people open and fixing them. Unfortunately she was out of practice but that still didn't mean that she couldn't enjoy the work of other people. 

The afternoon offered Clarke the chance to finally visit her dad, she purchased a box of chocolates as an apology for not getting to see him nearly enough but the face splitting smile her father greeted her with let Clarke know that she needn't have bothered. 

"So busy times huh kid?" Jake said as he handed Clarke a mug of coffee.

She was sat on a stool at the kitchen island in her childhood home. Clarke never underestimated the comfort that being in the house could offer her. Something about the familiarity and happy memories always managed to bring Clarke back down to earth, grounding her and allowing all of her stresses to float away, even if it was only momentarily. 

"Hmmm" Clarke hummed over the rim of the mug, whether in answer to her dads question or at the smell of the coffee she wasn't sure. 

Jake chuckled, taking in the content expression on his daughters face. It was an expression coffee could always bring out of her. 

"Your mother said a new surgeon has started?"

"Not yet, Dr Lexa Woods, she's going to be our new Cardio attending"

"That's right, your mother can't shut up about her" Jake laughed remembering the countless times his wife had mentioned Dr Woods in the last week alone.

"Her and half the hospital" Clarke sighed.

Whether good or bad, Lexa Woods' name had certainly been making the rounds. Everyone seemed to have an opinion. Everyone wanted to spread a rumor. Frankly Clarke felt a little bad for the girl, she hadn't even started and already she found herself as the number one topic in the hospitals gossiping. When she did finally arrive she was certainly going to be heavily under the microscope.

"Apparently she's some sort of prodigy"

Clarke snorted a laugh, her father was never usually so interested with the goings on of the hospital. 

"Says who"

"Your mother, plus I Googled her" Jake admitted sheepishly 

"What! Like I said your mother wouldn’t shut up about her and I wanted to see what all the fuss was about" he defended himself from Clarke's incredulous glare 

"Well you're right, she's in the top two heart surgeons in the country if not the best" it was a close call between Lexa and her mentor Indra.

"And she's young too, apparently about my age and already an attending" 

"As you should be too" Jake muttered under his breath though not quiet enough for Clarke not to hear it. 

"Dad" Clarke sighed not wanting to get pulled into another conversation about her worth. It was a discussion the two had frequently, Jake imploring with Clarke that she was working too hard and deserved to be fairly compensated for it. Clarke knew that of course but she also knew that the hospital couldn't currently afford it and quite frankly she liked where she was, didn't want to look for something else and potentially leave her friends and family just for the promise of more money. 

"Okay, okay" Jake held his hands up in mock surrender "no more hospital talk" 

"Thank you" Clarke took a sizable gulp of offer coffee, the liquid burning her mouth slightly but the taste was too good for her to care.

"So how about those Seahawks hey" Jake exclaiming causing Clarke to splutter her coffee over the island bench in laughter, the change in subject comical due to fact that Jake definitely had never been into sports. 

***

As Clarke got into bed that night it was with a renewed sense of energy and a type of rejuvenation that could only come from not having to touch a scalpel for an entire day. Whilst her job was tiring she now couldn't wait to return to it in the morning. 

 

____________________

 

The next day started like many others. Clarke arrived to the hospital early, skipping breakfast at home in lieu of a somewhat stale hospital cafeteria muffin and of course coffee. Her morning was filled with rounds, paperwork and some teaching for the interns who were assigned to her for the day, most of them reluctantly due to the fact that Peds was not the most glamorous of specialities. 

It wasn't until mid morning that she took a breather, grabbing a coffee before making her way to the strangely busy central nurses station. 

"Hey" she greeted Anya upon arrival, the other woman pretending to look over some notes but actually staring off at something in the background.

"Griffin" 

"James" 

There's was a funny relationship built on trust and respect. Anya was two years her senior, was already the best performing intern when Clarke arrived at the hospital in addition to one of the most feared. Even attendings would often shrink in the face of the girls scowl. Somehow the two had found themselves tending to the same patient in the wake of the ferry disaster, a thankless task considering they had very limited resources out at the site and had to improvise on more than one occasion to keep the man alive. Somehow the patient had survived and the experience only served to bond the two doctors together. Clarke was as much of a friend to Anya as anyone, though the girl was never one for friendly exchanges. 

"How's the pit going?" 

"Fine" Anya responded in her usual clipped fashion, craning her head to try and get a look at something around the corner.

"Busy?"

"Not compared to usual" Anya was still refusing to look at Clarke. 

"Okay what is it you're trying to look at" Clarke eventually relented after a minute of silence and Anya seemingly trying to dislocate her neck. 

"Woods" is all Anya responded with, now taking to squint her eyes perhaps in an attempt to develop x-ray vision.

"She's here?" Clarke questioned turning to the direction that Anya was looking in, interest now piqued. 

"Hmmm, nurses saw your Mom take Woods into her office about half an hour ago, they haven't come out yet" 

It explained the crowd around the nurses station, dozens of doctors and nurses alike trying to look busy whilst sneaking glances at her mother's office door. 

"I thought she wasn't coming until next week"

"So did I" 

"Clarke is it true?" Octavia almost squealed as she arrived after all but sprinting down the corridor, Raven hot on her heels. 

"Apparently" Clarke offered

"She's in there with the Chief" Anya explained further gesturing to the door.

"Well she's attracted quite the crowd" Raven tried to sound disinterested at the whole debacle but her eyes glancing to the direction of the office soon gave her away. 

Thankfully the office wasn't encased in windows otherwise Clarke was sure the nurses station would resemble the viewing platform of a zoo right now, the prime attraction of Dr Lexa Woods sat in her glass case for all to see.  
"Well we are happy to have you here Dr Woods" Abby's voice cut through the crowd as she opened the door. 

Everyone scrambled to busy themselves, picking up charts or tampering with equipment but still maintaining an eye line with the door. Even Anya who was usually at best disinterested with just about anyone and anything waited with apprehension for Dr Woods to make her appearance. Clarke for her part grabbed a medical journal off of the desk in an attempt to look occupied. 

"Follow me and I will give you the tour" her mother finally came into full view, Dr Woods following dutifully behind her. 

Clarke wasn't sure what she was expecting but the young woman following behind the senior Dr Griffin certainly wasn't it. Dressed in ripped black skinny jeans and a leather jacket Lexa Woods looked more like any regular young adult one would see on the street rather than a top surgeon, if of course every regular young adult was stunningly beautiful. 

It was unfair really that someone so talented could be so beautiful but there Lexa Woods was in the flesh, her attractiveness matching her obvious skill. High cheekbones, flawless skin, pouty lips and piercing eyes a mix of green, blue and grey hues to go along with extraordinary technique and an even more extraordinary mind. 

Clarke was faintly aware of a Jesus Christ whispered by Raven behind her but was too encapsulated by Lexa to even think of responding. 

Unfortunately it seemed like many others were in the same position resulting in the rather awkward situation of Lexa Woods walking into a room full of people staring at her. If she was taken aback at all she didn't show it, instead a small smirk settled on the girls face. Clarke had no doubt she was used to commanding the attention of a room. 

Her mother cleared her throat resulting in everyone's attention snapping to her. 

"I can see word has got around, yes this is Dr Lexa Woods, now please resume your work we are in a hospital people" Abby bellowed authoritatively, no doubt worried about the staff scaring Lexa away before she could even begin. 

As the crowd dispersed Abby led Lexa over to where Clarke was still stood, the pediatric surgeon thinking she could get away with lingering longer at the nurses station than most. Anya, Raven and Octavia all had the same thought of course resulting in the four of them huddled together trying to look occupied. 

"Doctors" Abby called causing all four of them to look up, a chorus of Doctor Griffin's supplied in greeting. 

"Dr Woods, this is Dr Octavia Blake" Abby gestured to Octavia "Dr Blake is our most promising Cardio resident and someone I'm sure you will be working closely with"

"I've heard a lot about you" Lexa offered with a small smile as she shook Octavia's hand, the other girl seemingly in somewhat of a daze at being complimented by her idol.

Clarke half expected Octavia to yell out "you have?" or profess her love for Lexa right then and there but maybe for the first time in her life Octavia Blake was speechless. 

"And this is Dr Raven Reyes, Neuro resident and Dr Anya James, Trauma attending"

Lexa shook both their hands politely offering up small hellos 

"And this" Abby now turned to Clarke "is Dr Clarke Griffin, Peds resident and my daughter" she puffed her chest out a bit in pride. 

"It's a pleasure to meet you Dr Griffin" Lexa took Clarke’s hand as she did the others and Clarke couldn't help but notice how soft her hands were and what long fingers she had. Clarke mentally chastised herself for even registering such things. 

"Is that journal article really that bad or do you enjoy reading upside down?" Lexa gestured to the magazine that rested forgotten in Clarke's hand, a smirk on her lips and one eyebrow quirked. 

Comically Clarke looked down to the journal and back up to Lexa a couple of times, mouth opening and closing but no words coming out, cheeks getting progressively redder. She could hear the snickers of Octavia and Raven in the background, felt the sharp elbow of Anya as the woman silently implored her to stop being such an idiot but still Clarke's brain couldn't form any kind of sentence.

"Don't worry, I find bone density studies somewhat difficult to get through also" Lexa saved Clarke from further embarrassment but clearly knew that the girl had been blatantly gawking at her from behind the cover of the magazine. 

"Shall we Dr Woods?" Abby motioned to the hallway eager to continue the tour.

"Absolutely" Lexa nodded before giving one last smirk at Clarke and continuing on down the hallway. Clarke didn't miss the pointed glare her mother gave at her as they walked by. 

Rather than staying for the teasing that was sure to come from her friends Clarke practically ran away from the nurses station wishing she could have the last few minutes of her life back. 

***

"Well that was spectacularly embarrassing" Anya exclaimed as she came to sit down next to Clarke in the cafeteria a few hours later. 

"Ugh don't remind me again" Clarke groaned wishing she could disappear from the hospital for the day. Word had travelled fast and a good portion of the staff had been not so subtly laughing at Clarke since the incident. 

"You sure struck out on that one Griffin" Anya smirked clearly enjoying her embarrassment. 

"You could have warned me"

"And ruined all of the fun?" 

"Asshole" Clarke grumbled at the girl, her embarrassment turning to irritation.

"She's certainly impressive though" Anya shrugged the insult off.

"I'm sorry did I hear that correctly, Anya James referring to someone as impressive?" Clarke snarked, her mouth dropping open in mock shock for further effect. 

"Well anyone who can render Clarke Griffin speechless seconds after meeting her has to be pretty impressive right?" Anya shot back knowing she had Clarke.

It was a favorite activity of theirs, trading insults until eventually one of them won the round. It was about as friendly as Anya got. 

"Fine I yield James" Clarke didn't even bother to put up much of a fight knowing her earlier actions would have provided Anya with plenty of ammunition that she couldn't match. Anya smiled widely in victory. 

"I'm serious though, I was expecting a weedy nerd and we got a leather clad badass. I guess some people get everything in life"

Clarke just nodded her head in agreement, in the lottery of life Lexa Woods had certainly come out a winner. 

"When does she actually start, you know so I can avoid her for the rest of my existence?" Clarke asked earning a sharp cackle from Anya. 

"Tomorrow I think, apparently she's pretty keen to make an early start on things"

"Talented and hard working, bet my mom's frothing at the mouth" Clarke sighed

"Chin up Griffin" Any offered as she stood from the table bringing an end to their conversation "at least she wasn't a complete asshole to you, besides she's hot this place could do with some more eye candy" and with that Anya stalked out of the cafeteria, people scrambling over themselves to clear a path for her. 

She was right of course, Lexa hadn't been an asshole to her even though she certainly could have been, had been nice even and played the whole thing off graciously. Still that didn't make the situation any less embarrassing for Clarke. She briefly wondered if she would care so much if it wasn't an extremely attractive doctor she had embarrassed herself in front of. 

***

From there the day went from bad to worse, not in terms of any surgeries going wrong thankfully but more in the sense that she didn't get to perform any actual surgeries at all. OR rooms were double booked or patients had accidently consumed food and by the end of it all Clarke was extremely frustrated. Thankfully she only had a short shift and could go home and sleep it off before starting fresh tomorrow. 

"Hold the elevator" Clarke called as she rushed towards the closing doors, thankful when a hand shot out to stop them.

She barreled into the compartment muttering her thanks before realizing that the person who had stopped the elevator, the person that Clarke was now alone with, was none other than Lexa Woods.

"Dr Griffin" Lexa nodded her head towards Clarke in greeting smirking slightly as she did so. 

"Dr Woods" Clarke replied, aiming for calm but a small spluttering cough ruining the allusion. 

"Ah so you can talk" Lexa chuckled "I was worried there for a second"

It was a good natured barb, one that made Clarke feel more at ease. 

"And why we're you so worried about me Dr Woods" Clarke turned to the girl a smirk now gracing her own lips.

This she could do. Clarke had certainly never been lacking in confidence and had always had a way with words that often could render even the most confident of people speechless. The fact that she could even compete with Anya spoke to her ability to wisecrack with the best of them. 

"No reason, just if one of the doctors had selective mutism I would have liked to know about it first, you know so as to not look like a complete idiot for trying to start a conversation" Lexa calmly replied, clearly not fazed by Clarke's flirty banter. She didn't even miss a beat. 

She was good, Clarke had to give her that. She racked her brain for a response but the elevator beat her to it, a harsh ding reverberating around the space, signalling their arrival on the ground floor before Clarke could manage a coherent thought. 

"It was nice to see you again Dr Griffin, I'm sure I will be seeing you around" Lexa offered a genuine smile before making her way out of the elevator. 

Clarke was momentarily dumbstruck before shaking her head in realization as the doors slowly closed on her. Rushing forward her shoulder crashed into the door as she exited the elevator and Clarke was somewhat mortified when Lexa turned around at the noise. 

Rather than say anything Lexa offered a small wave and smirk before turning back around towards the car park. Clarke could only offer her own pathetic and certainly over enthusiastic wave in response. Never had she wanted to bury herself in the ground more. 

***

Clarke didn't mention the second embarrassing mishap to Raven and Octavia when she arrived home, her ego not being able to take another round of ribbing. Instead she cooked them all a nice homemade dinner, the first non-microwavable meal she had consumed in months. She even went to the trouble of going to the grocery store on the way home to pick up some fresh pasta. 

It was a disaster of course, as Clarke often was outside of the hospital. Being a big kid extended itself to not being able to cook, barely being able to do her own laundry and most definitely not managing to keep herself put together even half decently. She was generally somewhat of a mess, a loveable one, but a mess all the same. 

Raven and Octavia consumed the meal without complaint just happy to all be home for dinner at the same time. It was the first time in months and each of them had come to miss their family dinners.

"Did you hear her say she's heard about me?" Octavia exclaimed for the umpteenth time since Lexa Woods had made the comment. 

"For the love of god yes Octavia, we all heard it and thanks to you the entire hospital has now heard about it" Raven half snarled clearly growing exasperated at the constant reminders.

"What do you think it means though?"

"What?" Raven snapped

"Well is it good or bad? Is it I've heard about your insane talents or I've heard about how incompetent you are and will be looking to fire you immediately?" Octavia questioned, her hands waving around almost frantically as she did so. 

Clarke had never seen the girl so unsure of herself. Since she first stepped foot in the hospital Octavia had always backed herself in, had never expressed any fear or apprehension about anything even when she was thrown into the deep end for her first solo surgery. As fun as it was to see, Clarke didn't want to draw it out any longer, opting to calm Octavia down before the girl had her own aneurysm. 

"Relax O, your one of the best young heart surgeons in the country, if she's heard about you its because you're good"

Thankfully it seemed to work, Octavia gave a small nod, her shoulders drooping slightly in relaxation. 

"Did you see how hot she was though?" Raven smirked cheekily, wiggling her eyebrows. 

"I thought she was an asshole and you couldn't see why she was getting so much attention?" Clarke shot back

"That was before I saw how hot she was" 

"Keep it in your pants Raven"

"Oh no, I don't go for heart surgeons" Raven shook her head slowly "their egos need constantly stroking" Raven screwed her face up in disgust.

"Again, I am a heart surgeon over here" Octavia mocked offense. 

"Lincoln strokes your ego just fine O" Clarke laughed.

"She sure is pretty to look at though" Raven mused, back to Lexa now. 

She was of course. Pretty enough to have half the hospital fawning over her already. Pretty enough to turn Clarke herself back into the awkward pre-pubescent teenager at the mere sight of the other doctor. It was a state of affairs that had to stop, especially considering they would be seeing each other often enough that if it didn't stop Clarke might eventually simultaneously combust in mortification.

Barely paying mind to the conversation now going on around her Clarke steeled herself, made herself a promise. Tomorrow Lexa Woods would start at the hospital and Clarke would be nothing but a fully functioning adult.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologies to any doctors out there if I am completely off base with the medical jargon
> 
> Thank you for the kind words and kudos, honestly I was a little hesitant to post so your encouragement has been nice. Updates won't be this quick in future as I already had this chapter pretty much finished however I will still try and update regularly.

Dr Woods was definitely a hard worker, 48 hours into her tenure and she had yet to leave the hospital. Clarke had seen her around but not to talk to, Lexa busy with paperwork regarding her transfer, setting up her office or the handing over of patients.  
She did catch her in the change room on the second morning, definitely noticed that the girl pulled off the blue scrubs better than just about anybody and quickly reprimanded herself. Blatant checking out was not in keeping with the fully functional adult facade she was trying to maintain. 

Surprisingly the rumor mill had been pretty quiet, though Clarke surmised it had something to do with the fact that Lexa Woods was barely interacting with anyone just yet. The fact that she wasn't due to start for another two days meant that the other doctor had mostly been confined to administration work. 

Now though presented the perfect opportunity to judge, the gallery more crowded than Clarke had ever seen it for Dr Lexa Woods' first surgery in the halls of Seattle Grace. There was a strange sense of excitement in the air as Lexa strode confidently into the operating theatre, scrub cap adorned with trees an interesting choice. 

From her position next to Raven and Anya in the in the corner of the gallery Clarke could see the excitement practically pouring off Octavia, visible in the bounce in her step as she walked behind Lexa into the room. Elsewhere people were jostling for a view, craning their necks or subtly moving each other aside for a better vantage point. 

The surgery was an emergency one but Dr Woods looked anything but rushed. There was no frantic energy, no shouting instructions or barking orders, just a calm word to Octavia before the surgery got underway. An almost silent command over everyone in the operating theatre. 

It was quick, owing to the fact that they needed to get the patient's valve repaired urgently, but there were certainly more gasps and murmurs of appreciation in the gallery then perhaps ever before. They didn't even open the chest cavity, instead opting for a less invasive mitraclip as the patient was almost eighty and would certainly have issues surviving an open heart surgery. The Mitraclip was expertly guided into place using a fluoroscope and echo before Lexa closes the clip around the valve effectively bringing an end to the surgery. 

It was an impressive start. 

"She's a rockstar" Anya exclaimed as they were walking out of the gallery echoing the words of many around her.

Clarke smiled in response, enjoying this enthusiastic version of the girl. 

"I'm serious, did you see the way she commanded that operating theatre, it was like she was Mick Jagger at Glastonbury or something"

"Well she certainly had an audience" Raven laughed at the crowd walking down the hallway with them having exited the room.

The three split ways after that, too well versed now to offer any goodbyes. They would no doubt be seeing each other later anyway, they would all be at the hospital too long not to. 

***

"6 years with Dr Smith and I've never felt anything like that" Octavia all but sang as she flopped down on Clarke's office couch, not even bothering to knock. 

"You enjoyed it then?"

"Enjoyed it" Octavia scoffed incredulously "Clarke did you see it? It was incredible Dr Smith was still stuck on the Alfieri stitch method" she almost shakes her head in disbelief.

"Dr Woods is going to try and get a simulator for us so I can practice and she said when I'm ready she will let me take point" Octavia goes on, almost breathless in her exhilaration. 

Clarke smiles into her paper work, pleased to see the girl so happy. She had previously been concerned that Octavia might try to seek something else out once her contract was up, her progression stifled under Dr Smith's watch. With the arrival of Dr Woods however her fears were allayed. 

"I'm happy for you O" Clarke turned around to face the girl, making her smile known. 

"Me too" Octavia sighed, coming to lay out fully on the couch now. 

"And apart from the surgery, what is she like?" Clarke 's curiosity got the better of her, she was eager to find out more about the new star that was gracing their halls. 

"She seems good, professional, friendly enough bedside manner, willing to teach" Octavia mentally ticked off "I'm certainly going to have to work hard though, seems like she could be a bit of a hard taskmaster"

Clarke furrows her brows, it wasn't really the type of information she was looking for. She was more interested with what Lexa Woods was like personally than in a professional capacity. 

Octavia apparently misconstrues Clarke's frown for concern "oh not in a bad way, just in the sense that it seems like she likes to ride people to get the best out of them" she corrects. 

Clarke nods in response, not having the heart to tell the girl that she wasn't really concerned at all. 

***

It wasn't until another 24 hours later that Clarke got the chance to actually talk to Lexa herself. Days had blurred together, Clarke not sure whether the skies were ebony black or bright blue at this point. She also was certain she couldn't entirely remember what life was like outside of the pale blue walls of the hospital, her mind going stir crazy after endless surgeries and piles of paperwork. 

In reality it had only been 72 hours since her shift started, not a small amount of time but she had certainly done longer. Still with no end in sight all optimism had flown out of the window and Clarke wanted nothing more than to collapse into an on-call room for a few hours before the next lot of rounds was upon her. 

Barreling loudly into the closest on-call room she didn't realize it was actually occupied until she was inside, a figure startling into a sitting position on one of the beds.

"Shit, sorry" Clarke's whispered apology was nullified by the harsh crash of her foot knocking over a bin in the corner. Her eyes had yet to adjust to the light. 

"Dr Griffin" the figure croaked hands coming to rub at its eyes. The voice belonged to none other than Lexa Woods.

Suddenly Clarke felt like even more of an asshole, Dr Woods had barely stopped since entering the hospital and now Clarke had ruined her sleep. 

"Doctor Woods, sorry I didn't mean to interrupt your rest" Clarke maintained the whisper. She was still standing in the middle of the room, hesitant to whether Lexa would want her to stay or not. 

"Don't be, I was probably in too deep of a sleep anyway" 

It was a common problem Clarke too had experienced. Get sucked into a deep sleep and it was hard waking up just a couple of hours later, in fact sometimes you could wake up and not feel rested at all. 

"You can lie down Dr Griffin" Lexa chuckled at the blonde's position still stuck in the middle of the room. 

"Right" Clarke nodded, sinking into the bed opposite Lexa's letting out a content sigh as she did so. 

"Long shift?" Lexa questioned into the darkness and when Clarke only gave a grunt in response she didn't push any further. 

Clarke for her part wasn't expecting the almost guttural sound that escaped her mouth, wanted to take to back as soon as it did so. Her curiosity had Clarke wanting to speak to Lexa since she first entered the hospital and now given the perfect chance she had blown it. Taking a breath she decided to take matters into her own hands. 

"So how are you liking it so far?" Clarke turned on her side to face Lexa, just about being able to make out the small bump under the covers thanks to the thin strip of light streaming into the room from under the door. 

Lexa doesn't answer for a second and Clarke's just wondering whether she's fallen back asleep when the other girl finally speaks up. 

"Hmm good, busy, tiring. I'm a bit out of practice but I'll get used to it again"

Clarke knows that she's referring to the six month sabbatical, wants to ask about it but knows that it is probably a bit too personal for what they currently are to each other. 

"I'm sure all the paperwork can't be helping"

"It's the bane of my existence" Lexa chuckles 

"If it's any consolation everyone was impressed with your surgery" Clarke offers

"Oh I know" comes the response and Clarke can just picture the shit eating smirk on Lexa's face. It's straddling the line between sure of herself and arrogance but somehow Clarke kind of likes it. 

"Are you always this modest?" 

Lexa lets out a full and deep laugh in reply.

"I usually am a bit more modest than that actually, I was just waiting to see if you would call me out"

"Eh" Clarke shrugged "you carried it off well, most heart surgeons do, it's the ego that comes with having the body’s most vital organ in the palm of your hands" 

"I'm not most heart surgeons" 

It's an obvious statement, Lexa Woods definitely wasn't most heart surgeons, her skill set her apart. Still Lexa seemed to be implying that maybe her attitude did too. 

"So how is it on the Peds wing, I hear you're understaffed?"

Clarke is surprised at the question, most surgeons don't even to bother to enquire about her field especially if they are from one of the more glamorous specialties. It gives her a small burst of pride that Lexa would be asking after it as well as a new found appreciation for the doctor. 

"We're managing, it's tight at times but we're managing" she manages to tell Lexa through a large yawn that had suddenly burst its way through her body. It makes her sounds almost like a whale trying to communicate and she can hear Lexa trying to stifle her laughter on the other side of the room. 

"I'll let you rest Dr Griffin" Lexa stood from her bed gracefully much to the disappointment of Clarke, though she supposed she should actually attempt to get some rest at some point.

"Back into the lion’s den" she heard Lexa prepare herself as she opened the door, the room bursting with light momentarily before plunging back into darkness. 

Clarke was left alone in silence and darkness wondering how it was that she could know Lexa Woods for less than a week, barely have two conversations with her and yet still somehow miss the other doctors presence when she left the room. Obviously there was an attraction there but it was something more. The girl had this aura about her, a magnetic pull that seemed to guide people towards her. There was also a certain sense of mystery and a personality that had every right to be brooding and egomaniacal, like so many of her peers, and yet seemed to be anything but. 

Clarke groaned into her pillow, she sounded like a teenager obsessing over the latest fad boyband, but she couldn't make it stop. The fascination was consuming her and judging by the whispers and heavier traffic than normal past Lexa's office many others felt the same. It was like Dr Woods really was Mick Jagger and the hospital staff paparazzi desperate for information. 

Clarke shuffled picking up the pillow and placing it over her head in a pathetic attempt to block out all thoughts of Lexa Woods. It didn't help of course and the sleep Clarke fell into was a restless one filled with images of a certain brunette. 

 

________________

 

It took a week but eventually the fascination at the shiny new toy settled down in both the hospital staff and Clarke herself. Lexa had been nothing but gracious throughout the entire ordeal, pretending not to notice people staring or to hear the whispers as she passed by. It was as Octavia said, Dr Woods was a consummate professional, polite and courteous if a little guarded. No one at the hospital had been able to eek any personal information out of the girl yet, though Clarke suspected that was exactly how Lexa liked it.

They had managed a handful of conversations since the on-call room, exchanges of pleasantries and inquiries about the others day. They were both exceptionally busy though so outside of fleeting moments in hallways or in front of the surgery board Clarke hadn't gotten the chance to speak to Lexa. Hadn't been able to lure the sharp wit and cocky smirk out of its hideaway. 

The present occasion would definitely not be the time for that, a huge pile up on the freeway meaning it was all hands on deck in the pit. Clarke was standing outside with Raven awaiting the wounded, Anya's voice could be heard clearly through the doors barking orders. It was her pit after all and she was nothing if not meticulously prepared. 

"This wait never gets any less daunting" Raven mused from besides Clarke, eyes still staring off into the distance searching for the first ambulance. 

"It's the not knowing" Clarke answered "if we have something in front of us, can see what it is, then we can actually do something but the not knowing just makes endless possibilities circle in your brain" 

The roads outside the hospital were hauntingly still for a Monday morning, the silence that came with it only heightening the sense of dread. In a hospital quiet was never good. There was no quiet, only the calm before the storm and Clarke had a feeling that the storm about to hit would be torrential. 

The faint sound of sirens seeped into the distance, the storm growing ever closer. 

"How many can you hear?" 

"There has to be eight or nine at least" 

Raven took a deep breath at her answer, and then readied herself. Squared her shoulders, lifted her chin up, clenched and unclenched her fists at her side a little before stadium completely rigid. Clarke followed her lead, twisted her torso from side to side and used her fist to push her chin, cracking her neck in each direction. 

"How many we got?" Anya's commanding voice interrupted their preparations, the doctor storming to where the other two stood, a gaggle of interns following behind her. 

"Minimum eight, maximum god knows" Clarke replied causing other girl to sigh a little before snapping into action. 

"Okay, Dr Griffin, Dr Reyes you take the first two off the rank" the two others nodded firmly in response as if they were answering to an army commander. 

"Interns" Anya rounded on the group behind her, the young faces a mix of nervous excitement and tension. The sirens were getting louder now, less than a few minutes out. 

"You take them as they come, hand the patients off to the nearest resident or attending and for gods sake, no actually for your sakes, do not forget what the EMT'S tell you. The patient who you first attend to will be your patient for the rest of the day, am I clear?" 

The interns nodded furiously knowing that you didn't say no to Anya on a good day let alone one like this. 

"Okay, here they come" Anya gestured to the road before stalking back inside, no doubt ready to direct traffic before taking some of the load herself. 

The ambulances impending arrival was frantic. A blur of bright lights and shrill sirens speeding their way towards the pack of awaiting doctors. It was a good indicator of how they day would be, frantic in every possible way. 

Clarke took the first cab off the rank so to speak. It wasn't a child however in the pit in situations like this it didn't matter, it was often help where you can until getting pulled in another direction. Clarke listened to the information the paramedics gave her as she took in the patient. Male, 43, name Ryan Pedro, facial lacerations and suspected fractured eye socket and cheek bone, possible broken ribs and internal bleeding due to impact trauma. 

Clarke hurried inside with the gurney, thankful that her patient was still conscious so she converse with him, enquire about his pain. A long line of gurneys followed, each carrying patients with different injuries at all levels of seriousness but Clarke couldn't think about them because right now her priority lie with the man in front of her. She was however faintly aware of Dr Woods bursting into the pit, sleeves on her scrub top turned up, ready to be of assistance. 

Clarke worked quickly and diligently, administering pain medications, examining for internal bleeding, stitching up facial lacerations and organizing for x-rays and ortho consults. Thankfully it seemed like Ryan Pedro was one of the luckier ones, his injuries whilst certainly painful were less significant than many others that were being brought in, either writhing in agony or completely unconscious. 

Eventually Clarke was happy enough with her patient’s prognosis to leave him in the care of someone else. Strict instructions were given of course but her expertise and experience was required elsewhere. 

"She's coding, get me the crash cart" Clarke hears Dr Woods yell from one of the private exam rooms in the pit. It’s loud but Lexa still manages to maintain a certain amount of calmness, relaxing everyone around her. It's a quality Clarke has picked up on over the last week, an ability to keep everything together in even the most dire of circumstances and to make everyone around her do the same. 

Clarke suddenly snapped to, realizing she was standing right next to the desired crash cart. Seizing the item she all but ran through the door, almost knocking over a nurse as she did so. She barely had time to take in the scene, to digest the fact that Lexa was straddling a patient with a shard of glass sticking out of her chest. A desperate attempt to try and pump some life back into the young woman lying unconscious on the gurney. 

She quickly placed the pads on the patient’s chest, tapping Lexa to get off as she did so. And then they were shocking her, jolts of electricity causing the lifeless body to rise up and collapse back down again in a sort of wicked dance. It took a while, longer and more charge than it should have, but eventually the slow beeps registered on the monitor. The heartbeat was weak but it was there. 

"Okay people we have to get this woman into surgery now, nurse Jenkins did you manage to find an OR?" Lexa looked around for the nurse that had only just skidded back into the room. 

"Four should be cleared by the time we get there"

"Okay let's move" Lexa nodded, taking one side of the gurney and hurrying out the door, nurses and interns scurrying along in her wake. 

And then it was onto the next for Clarke, putting the crash cart back into place before being summoned elsewhere, the frantic nature of the pit only overcome through extreme competence and having no other choice but to keep moving. 

***

It took longer than normal for things to eventually somewhat settle down, the hectic influx of patients slowing to a more steady pace after a significant amount of hours. Anya had engineered things masterfully but even she was looking somewhat disheveled as Clarke passed her on the way to the locker room. 

"Good work today Griffin" Anya wasn't above acknowledging people when they helped her out and she certainly recognized the sheer amount of hours Clarke had put in down in the pit, and the numerous patients she had attended to. 

"Until next time" Clarke mock saluted as she passed, a small exhausted smile on her face that looked more like a grimace.

"Don't jinx it" Anya called over her shoulder.

"I'm not, we both know there will be a next time" Clarke called back before entering the locker room proper. 

There would always be a next time, always be another horrific accident that lead to an influx of people in their emergency room. As much as they didn't want to acknowledge it, because doing so would be acknowledging another tragedy on the horizon and more lives lost and ruined, they couldn't deny it either. On days like today it was hard not to see what they did as completely morbid. 

Clarke took a moment to rest her forehead against the cool metal of her locker, the cold on her skin somehow reminding her that she was real despite the past 10 hours of feeling practically robotic. With barely time to think the pit became a case of see and do, rinse and repeat until her body was running on autopilot. 

"You made it out alive" the voice of Lexa Woods came from over her shoulder but Clarke couldn't bring herself to move just yet. 

"Barely" she groaned into her locker, still needing the cool touch of metal to tether her to something real, to ground her after practically feeling like a god for a good portion of the day. 

Lexa busied herself in the locker room sensing Clarke needed a moment. 

When Clarke did eventually turn around she cursed herself for thinking she needed the locker to ground her at all. Lexa had clearly just gotten out of the shower, wet curls falling over one shoulder dropping loose beads of water onto her white tank top. Black skinny jeans that seemed to only hug her tightly in all of the right places. Tired and yet still vibrant eyes and soft pouty lips. Clarke had never felt more real, never felt less godlike, never felt more completely and utterly average. 

"Thanks for today by the way, I never got the chance to thank you before" Lexa muttered offhandedly when Clarke turned to look at her. 

"Huh?" Clarke questioned, the day was such a blur in her mind that she was struggling to remember all of it. Later she would remember the day with more clarity but for now her brain may as well have been mush. 

"Earlier, my patient that was crashing" Lexa reminded her with a smile. 

"Oh right of course, how did that go?" 

"Just got out of surgery" Lexa sighed, Clarke now knowing the tired eyes were due to the other doctor being on her feet and wrist deep in a chest cavity for close to 10 hours.

"She's stable for now, managed to get that glass well and truly properly embedded in her heart though" 

"You got it out?" Clarke asked in amazement, there was no way the woman should have survived. 

"Eventually, very slowly"

"How does someone even survive something like that?" 

"Because we're miracle workers Clarke, it's what we do" Lexa perked up a little making the statement in pride more than anything else.

"Still though, we can't fix everything. Don't you ever wonder why that woman gets to survive whilst other patients with seemingly more innocuous injuries don't make it?" 

Clarke couldn't help but get philosophical after a day like they had just had, her mind running away with the why's and how's of it all. They could play god as much as they liked but ultimately it wasn't up to them, who stays and who goes was a decision made by a power much higher than the level they occupied. 

Clarke didn't miss the flash of pain across Lexa's face, the slight droop shoulders and drop of the only ever previously proud chin. She wished she could take her pointless philosophical musings back. 

"All the time" Lexa said solemnly, quietly, as if she wasn't really talking to Clarke at all. 

Without another word Lexa grabbed her things, slinging her favorite black leather over her shoulders and collecting her keys and wallet in her hand, she moved towards the door without so much as a goodbye. 

"You coming to grounders tonight?" Clarke called after the retreating figure. 

"Can't tonight" 

"Some other time then"

"Sure" came the non-committal repose, barely travelling through the air to Clarke as Lexa left the room. 

Clarke was left alone in the locker room sighing and slumping down onto the uncomfortable wooden bench. She had clearly taken a huge misstep somewhere, there was obviously much more to Dr Lexa Woods than talent and bravado.

***

By the end of the week the guilt was starting to eat away at her only Clarke wasn't quite sure why. She had spoken to Lexa since the locker room, the other doctor hadn't brought it up or even acted any differently than normal. She still smiled when she greeted Clarke in the hallway, still asked her how her day was gong when they crossed paths at the nurses station, still grimaced sympathetically and passed on words of encouragement when Clarke was having a bad hour or two. And yet Clarke couldn't get the locker room out of her head, couldn't forget the way Lexa's face fell before she hurried out of there, couldn't help but feel like it was somehow her fault. 

The two weren't friends just yet, more friendly acquaintances, but Clarke couldn't help but hope they might one day be. The pull she had felt since Lexa first entered the hospital was as strong as ever, had Clarke wanting to be as close to the other doctor as possible. The mystery, the talent, the sure attitude and above all the graciousness intrigued Clarke and she found it impossible to deny herself knowing more, and yet she may just have ruined any chance she had. 

"Earth to Clarke" Finn Collins waved his hand in her face, startling the doctor from her thoughts. 

She was stood at the nurses desk in the PEDs wing, the charts she had been thrumming through abandoned on the desk as her mind ran away from her. She had been so far gone that she hadn't even noticed the nurse approaching until Finn's hand was in her face. 

"Where did you go Princess?" Finn chuckled, no doubt amused by the small jump Clarke made when he approached. 

"Sorry, my head is just fog right now"

"I'm not surprised, when was the last time you slept?" Finn asked, concern lacing his features. 

Their relationship had evolved a lot over time, once fuckbuddies for lack of a better term they had tried their hand at a relationship, more through desperation and guilt at what they were than anything else. It was a disaster of course, Finn was a little too idyllic and Clarke a little too chaotic. Things were awkward for a time after their breakup, Finn hadn't quite been able to let things go as easy as Clarke had, but eventually they found some level of amicability. Now though they were friendly, if not entirely friends. Reunited in the PEDs wing the nurse had become a reliable presence in the last few months, someone Clarke could count upon when things got hectic. 

"I'm off shift in an hour" Clarke responded eventually, a surge of relief overtaking her body when she uttered the words. 

"Good, you deserve some time away from this place" 

"And you don't?" Clarke half laughed, half scoffed. 

"I only just got here Princess, besides who's going to do the grunt work while you're gone" Finn smiled at her cheekily, his floppy hair falling over his eyes and adding to his boyish appearance. Clarke suspected it was why the children liked him so much, his baby face and unassuming nature was non-threatening. Of course it helped that he wasn't telling them just how he was going to cut them open. 

"The kids have been asking for you" 

"They like me"

"Not as much as they like me" Clarke countered good naturedly, walking away from the nurse as she did so. 

"That's it, I don't even get a goodbye" Finn called after her.

"See you later Finn, try not to ruin my ward while I'm away" Clarke called over her shoulder smirking as she did so. She caught him smirking back at her as she entered her office. 

***

Clarke walked out to the car park with a certain bounce in her step, the last hour of her shift had thankfully flown by and now she was headed home to a bottle of wine and Netflix. Octavia would call her boring but to Clarke it was the perfect evening. 

The rain had been coming in fits and starts all day, Seattle living up to its temperamental name. Even the downpour falling from the black night sky couldn't dampen Clarke's mood though, her umbrella serving as a worthy shield. Scuttling through the car park she made sure to avoid any puddles, almost successfully making it to her car before a despaired cry caused her to stop in her tracks. 

"Please don't do this to me now" Clarke turned around to see Lexa Woods yell into the sky, completely soaked and sat astride her motorbike, trying and failing to get the ignition fired up. 

Clarke took in Lexa's wet appearance, the way her hair stuck to her face and her flimsy military jacket clung to her body, and instantly decided to take pity on her. 

"Not prepared for the Seattle weather" Clarke called through the rain as she walked towards Lexa.

"It would seem not" Lexa replied in a somewhat clipped tone though Clarke supposed she could forgive the girl for being a little impolite in her current predicament. 

"Bike not starting" Clarke asked, internally cringing at the way she had stated the obvious. Unfortunately her brain was still reeling from the fact that Lexa rode a motorbike to actually allow her to be anywhere near as eloquent as usual. And yet it made complete sense, of course Lexa Woods, heart surgeon extraordinaire and all around badass, would ride a motorbike. A simple car would not have been an apt vehicle for the woman, would not have done her justice, and a flashy sports car just didn’t seem to fit her somehow. Too ostentatious for a woman who wore frayed black converse around the hospital and seemingly had an addiction to vending machine snacks. 

"Apparently it hasn't taken too well to being driven cross country"

"You drove from New York on that thing?" Clarke's mouth fell open in shock, the image of Lexa, leather clad and driving on deserted roads with the wind in her hair, quickly entering her mind as much as she tried to push the thought away. 

"Of course" Lexa replied as if it were an obvious activity for her to partake in. 

"Right, well that thing isn’t going anywhere today. Need a ride?"

"Oh" Lexa exclaimed in surprised though Clarke wasn't exactly sure why "only if you're sure Dr Griffin, I wouldn't want to impose" her words were polite but her eyes were screaming a desperate plea. 

"Don't be silly Dr Woods" Clarke suddenly realized that they were holding this entire conversation whilst Lexa was still being soaked through "get under here" Clarke gestured to her umbrella "my car's over that way"

Unfortunately at that exact moment the gods decided to punk Clarke something rotten, a huge gust of wind picking up and ripping the umbrella out of her grasp. Clarke could only watch it tumble off into the distance, faintly aware of Lexa's wide eyes following it also. 

Snapping to, Clarke let out a high pitched squeal as she felt herself steadily getting soaked through.

"Quick come on" She turned to sprint to her car motioning for Lexa to follow. 

Of course the last couple of weeks without humiliation in front of Lexa was too good to be true because Clarke forgot about the puddles, completely ignored their existence until one sent her sprawling to the ground in a soggy mess. Clarke led on the asphalt for a bit, the cold rough surface certainly unforgiving. Thankfully Lexa was right behind her to pick her up quickly and guide her in the direction of the car. Nothing was bruised except Clarke's pride. 

"Can we forget I just fell in a puddle" Clarke turned to Lexa after they had scrambled themselves into the car, both soaked to the bone. 

"Depends, are you hurt?"

"Nothing wounded except my ego"

Lexa's grin began to slowly split her face but Clarke cut in before the teasing could commence "might I remind you that I just rescued you from the rain at the expense of my favorite umbrella"

The smile fell from Lexa's face and as she visible deflated a bit and Clarke thought she had gotten away with it.

"Fine I can forget you fell" Lexa sighed before her mouth turned upwards in a playfully evil smirk "never going to forget that squeal though" 

Clarke just groaned, head falling forwards to land in the steering wheel with a small thud. 

***

"You’re not planning to murder me are you?" Clarke asked as they drove further away from the city into the trees that surrounded it. 

"If that were the case Dr Griffin we wouldn't be driving away from the sedatives and the scalpels"

"Is that supposed to put me at ease?" 

"I'm not going to murder you" Lexa confirmed earning a laugh from Clarke. 

"So you live out here then?” Clarke questioned hesitantly 

The increasingly thick trees certainly didn't look like they would be a great home for anybody, let alone Dr Lexa Woods whom Clarke had previously been certain would live in some sleek modern penthouse in the centre of the city. 

"I do"

"Why?" Clarke blurted out, unsure what was so appealing about nature

"Have to, my last name demands it of me" Lexa laughed and Clarke could only shake her head in response coming to laugh along with her. 

"I like nature" Lexa supplied, more serious now. 

"Really?" 

"Is it so shocking?" The other doctor raised her eyebrows and Clarke was reminded that she didn't really know Lexa at all. 

"I just had you pegged for a typical city girl is all, I mean you came from New York after all" Clarke answered, giving a slight shrug at the end.

"I grew up around nature, I'm from a small town" Lexa replied matching Clarke’s shrug.

It was the most personal information Clarke had ever gotten out of her and her heart swelled a bit at having learnt something new. It seemed that every new thing she learnt about Lexa added to the mystique, made the pull grow impossibly stronger. 

"Left here" Lexa pointed to a gravel road and Clarke dutifully followed instructions. The car bounced down the road slightly, the small vehicle not meant for off road driving, but eventually they made it to a trailer parked off to the side of the road in a small clearing. 

"You live in a trailer" Clarke asked slowly, enunciating each word as if she couldn't quite believe them even though the evidence was right in front of her. It was a charming trailer, reflective silver metal on the outside, a small deck attached to it covered in pot plants and garden ornaments and a couple of deck chairs, fairy lights strung up on the wooden beams underneath a small pergola. Still it was a trailer. 

"I do" Lexa smiled at her from the passenger seat.

"You live in a trailer" Clarke repeated herself even more slowly, still not quite believing it. 

"It's only temporary Clarke" Lexa laughed "now are you going to repeat yourself again or do you want to come inside?" 

Lexa opened the car door, closing it with a loud bang as she sprinted off towards her home. Clarke didn't have to be asked twice, quickly following after the other doctor not even caring that the rain was beating down on her. She was still wet through anyway. 

***

"Here you can take first shower, put these on" Lexa handed some sweats to Clarke as she walked through the door, gesturing to the tiny cupboard at the side of trailer that acted as a bathroom. 

"I'm not going to take first shower away from you Lexa" Clark argued, she was wet and practically freezing sure but that didn't mean she was rude enough to hop in the girls own shower before her, especially when Lexa was in the same state. 

"You're my guest Clarke, please I insist" Lexa placed a gentle hand on Clarke's shoulder and gave her a slight push in the direction of the shower. Clarke turned back to argue but the other woman's strong glare made her think twice, instead she entered the bathroom happy at the imminent prospect of warmth. 

She wasn't quite sure how Lexa lived with this every day, the bathroom was tiny and Clarke painfully whacked her elbow against the wall on more than one occasion. Still she couldn't complain too much, the water was hot and the water pressure somehow amazing. Throwing the sweats on she gathered her wet clothes up, Lexa placing them in the dryer once Clarke had walked out the door. 

Whilst Lexa was showering Clarke took the opportunity to look around the inside of the trailer. It was small, a double bed to one side and a kitchen with a fold out table to the other. There were cabinets lining the sides and a few skylights as well as a window over the bed allowing the moonlight to spill inside. The inside maintained the same shabby charm as the outside and though Clarke could never live in it she appreciated the simplicity of trailer life. 

"Beer?" Lexa asked as she emerged from the bathroom in a set of her own sweats, throwing her clothes into the dryer and turning it on.

"Please"

Lexa grabbed two beers from the fridge before walking out onto the deck, waving her hand for Clarke follow. Despite the rain the night was fairly warm and Clarke rather enjoyed the silence as she sat on the deck chair sipping her beer, fairy lights twinkling above her. The soft taps of rain falling on the tin roof was somehow calming. 

"There is a certain charm to this" Clarke conceded after more than a few minutes of comfortable silence between the pair. 

"You could never live here" Lexa laughed and Clarke briefly wondered how the other doctor seemed to know her so well. 

"Oh you’re completely right, I'm a suburban girl" Clarke chuckled "still, doesn't mean this isn't totally charming though" 

Lexa lolled her head to the side facing Clarke, a soft smile settling over her features her only response. 

"Can I ask you something?" Clarke decided to be brave. 

"Sure" 

"Back at the car park you seem surprised that I offered you a ride, why?" 

Lexa mulled the question over a little bit, clearly calculating how she wanted to respond. 

"I just wasn't sure we were friendly like that yet" she shrugged 

"Why?" Clarke eyebrows knitted slightly in confusion, wondering why Lexa would get that impression.

"I don't make friends easily Clarke, and you seemed to be a bit weird after the locker room last week. I know I was rude Clarke and I apologize, it was just a long day was all" 

Clarke stared at Lexa for a beat, disbelieving. They clearly both had different takes on the locker room incident.

"Lexa, I was weird because I thought I upset you, not because you were rude" she replied shaking her head at the ridiculousness of the situation though slightly heartened to know that Lexa had been thinking about it for the week also. 

"Oh"

"Yeah, oh" Clarke laughed "so friends" Clarke shot out her hand in Lexa's direction wanting to make it official. 

"Absolutely Clarke" Lexa smiled as she grasped Clarke hand in a firm shake.

Clarke could only smile back, intimately aware that somewhere over the course of the evening Lexa had started referring to her as Clarke instead of Dr Griffin.


	3. Chapter 3

It’s been a month, they’re friends and it’s been a month and quite frankly it’s amazing. It had taken Clarke until her internship to actually find friends that she felt may be for life. Her high school friends were all but forgotten, only popping up every now again on facebook to announce engagements or pregnancies or just simply to post pictures of an alcohol fueled weekend. Clarke had thought college might be different, that she might meet like minded people she could form close bonds with. The reality though was that they were mostly all too busy for social engagements at all and outside of sporadic coffee dates and lunches nothing had stuck. Clarke’s a little embarrassed to admit that Raven and Octavia were her first real friends, the relationship the three shared destined to last despite what obstacles life may throw at them.

Lexa though was different somehow. There was something almost unexplainable that tied the two doctors together, as if they had known each other their whole lives when in reality they had only just met. If Clarke was a little more free spirited she might believe that they had been together in another life, their souls entwined together through lifetimes. That was how strongly Clarke felt about the other doctor, how quickly the relationship had become important to her. 

Whilst Lexa may have admitted to her that she didn’t make friends easily it was clear that she was an inherently good friend to have. She was caring and kind and thoughtful in ways that Clarke had never imagined. She could brighten Clarke’s day up with a coffee and a muffin left on her desk, the coffee order right every single time. She could be a solid sounding board when Clarke needed to vent, content to just listen, somehow knowing not to try and comfort her during one of Clarke’s more frustrated moods. They could sit in the courtyard and laugh and joke and let time run away from them, only the shrill sounds of pagers breaking them apart.

It was nice, for both herself and Lexa it was nice. Clarke was enjoying their blossoming friendship, liked the sound of laughter on the brunettes lips and the way her eyes let up deviously when Clarke inevitably did something embarrassing. Lexa was still hesitant to disclose any information about herself, clamming up whenever Clarke would ask even a remotely personal question, and Clarke still had the nagging feeling in the back of her mind that friendship wasn’t quite enough. For now though what they had was nice and other people had certainly began to pick up on it. 

“So, I saw you had lunch with Dr Woods the other day” Abby inquired as the two were sat down for coffee, a rare coinciding day off offering them the chance to catch up outside of the hospital. 

Her mother had never been subtle in her scrutiny and whilst Clarke had been grateful for the positive reaction when she came out as bisexual she wasn’t exactly thrilled with the fact that Abby now thought that every new person she met might be a romantic interest. 

“hmmm we quite often have lunch mom” Clarke responded vaguely, trying to hide her smirk as her mother’s face drew back slightly in a questioning frown. 

“You do?” Abby prompted for more information 

“Yes mom, we’re friends who happen to work an unhealthy amount of hours at the same place, it is inevitable that we would have lunch together on more than one occasion” 

“So you’re friends?” 

“yes”

“Okay” Abby replied slowly, cryptically.

“Is that a problem?” Clarke questions, confused by her mom’s response. 

“No, no problem” Abby shook her head “I just didn’t think you two would get along so well is all” 

The statement offends Clarke though she isn’t exactly sure why. From the outside looking in it’s understandable to think that Lexa and she might not get along. Where Clarke is overly personable Lexa takes a more professional approach. Where Clarke is slightly unkempt Lexa is always well put together, even when casual the girl looks like she’s about to step onto a runway. Where Clarke likes to be the life and soul of everything that is going on around her Lexa is more reserved, preferring to linger observantly in the background than attract attention despite the fact that it always followed her regardless. Where Clarke labours in a speciality that is almost at the bottom of the ladder Lexa is the star of one of the most glamorous fields.

They are so obviously different in so many ways and yet they are so subtly the same also. They are both toiling under titles that are perhaps too heavy for them to bare, Lexa with the reputation of her own name and Clarke in her unofficial attendings role not to mention the stress that went along with being the daughter of a hospital legend. They both command the respect of people around them, through their actions more so than their words. They could lead people easily and yet at times both wanted nothing more than to go back to when times were simpler, when they could exist in a group rather than be faced with the pressures of of leading one.

They had managed to carve out a comfortable niche for themselves, built on understanding and mutual experiences. Whilst it may seem strange to outsiders Clarke cherished the warm space. 

“I think she is more than meets the eye” Clarke shrugs, not really knowing how to express to her mom just how important their friendship is without making it seem like she was completely fawning over Lexa. 

“hmmm” her mother muses and once again Clarke is confused and quite frankly a little perturbed by the reaction. 

“You don’t think so?” 

“oh don’t get me wrong she’s an excellent surgeon, I’m just not sure whether I really know who she is, she seems very New York” 

“Very New York?” 

“Like she is not quite suited to the environment of the hospital, I don’t know she seems a little self-serving, a little too young to have the spotlight so heavily thrust upon her”

Clarke has to stop herself from scoffing at the accusations. She could shout her mother down in argument but the cafe is small hole in the wall and Clarke doesn’t want to draw attention. Besides she’s not entirely sure what her mother is getting at, was she perhaps jealous of the girls success, threatened maybe, or had she merely just read her completely wrong.

“Mom, she managed to get the hospital thet simulator Octavia had been harping on about for weeks and funding is on the incline, how is that self-serving?” She responds and she is proud of how level headed her delivery is.

“It’s not about funding Clarke, I don’t know it’s hard to explain. It’s like she is from another world, New York hospitals are very different after all, the pace is always frantic, they get all the latest technology and the attention they receive is beyond anything we could ever offer” 

“Well we’re friends so” Clarke finally snaps, words coming out of her mouth like she was the petulant teenager of yesteryear. She couldn’t help it though, she refused to listen to any more and wanted to change the topic immediately.

Abby seemed taken aback a little by the response but said nothing more, instead opting to take a long sip of her coffee, plunging the two into an uncomfortable silence. 

 

***

 

The following day she walked into Lexa's office to the doctor asleep on her brown leather couch, mouth hanging open comically wide. Not wanting to wake the girl merely for the chance to say hello she decided to leave, turning around after perhaps a moment to long of staring. 

"Clarke" she heard Lexa croak out behind her just as she got to the door. The raspy tone brought a smile to her face, a smile that was on full display as she turned back around. 

"Hey, sorry I didn't mean to wake you" Clarke said softly to Lexa who was still looking somewhat out of it, eyes heavy and trying to blink awake.

"Hey" Lexa muttered sleepily, hands now coming to rub at her eyes.

"You didn't go home?" Clarke walked to the couch, picking up Lexa's outstretched legs and sitting down before placing them back on her lap. It was perhaps overstepping a little, they hadn't generally been ones to display their friendship physically, however Clarke decided to take a chance. When Lexa merely looked at her with a content smirk Clarke knew that she hadn't overstepped at all. 

"Emergency valve replacement" Lexa shrugged, it was as good excuse as any to keep her here "how was your day off?" 

"Good, did some laundry" smirking, Clarke gestured to her pristine and crisply ironed white button up "met my mom for coffee" 

"I don't think she likes me very much" Lexa sighed 

"Really?" Clarke tried to act shocked, as if she hadn't spent half the coffee date talking about her mother's distaste for the doctor "what makes you say that?"

"Just a feeling I guess, she certainly feels less enthused to have me here than she did two months ago. I don't know maybe I'm being paranoid" Lexa waved her hand dismissively as if pushing the thought away. 

Clarke wanted to comfort her but didn't want to outright lie to Lexa either. Instead she chose to stay silent on the matter. 

If only her mother could see Lexa like this, soft and pliant and completely content within the walls of Seattle Grace. Of course that wasn't possible because it seemed that this was a version of Lexa that was only reserved for her. 

"There are on-call rooms you could have slept in you know?" 

"Yes but as I found out people like to burst into those while you're sleeping" Lexa smirked earning an eye roll from Clarke "besides I tried to find one, walked in on something I didn't want to see. 

Clarke cackled, not at all surprised. On-call rooms were notorious for letting off a bit of steam in the most physical of ways.

"Really?" 

Lexa nodded her head in response 

"Who?" 

"I'm not telling you that Clarke"

"Oh come on Lexa, just for once stoop yourself to the level of the rest of us gossips" 

It was Lexa's turn to roll her eyes this time following the action with a firm "nope" 

"Ugh fine, I have to get to rounds anyway" Clarke tapped Lexa's ankles, indicating for the other girl to lift them which she did without fuss. 

"See you later?" Clarke questioned as she stood up, not knowing Lexa's schedule now that she had worked overtime.

"Sure" the girl looked up at her smiling, still sprawled out on the couch and apparently not willing to move until absolutely necessary. 

Clarke waved a goodbye as she walked out of the door, careful not to let it slam as she closed it behind her. She was running a few minutes late but the morning visit was totally worth it.

 

***

 

"What have we got Finn" Clarke called as she arrived to the Peds wing, the nurse handing her a pile of charts as she did so. 

"Liam in four is recovering nicely, I think he should be ready to go home in the next couple of days" Finn responded as Clarke looked over the first chart before they both moved on to the next.

"Caitlin in seven has been fasting, should be ready to go for surgery today" Clarke nodded, familiar with the little girl who required intestinal surgery. 

"And finally Greyson Moore in six, new patient admitted last night, heart issues" Finnish finished and Clarke grimaced as she looked over the chart, they young boy it seemed had a long history of heart complications. 

"OK, I will see the other two first, meet me in six in fifteen" Clarke instructed, a firm nod from Finn letting her know he got the message. 

As she arrived into room six on the ward fifteen minutes later it was to a boy who looked positively frail. It only took one look at his pale complexion and skeletal frame to know that something was seriously wrong. 

"Greyson, this is Dr Griffin I told you about" Finn smiled at the boy hoping to ease some of the tension caused by a new doctor entering the room. 

Clarke put on her face she had been practicing for years, the one that said I'm kind and you can trust me to the children and I am extremely competent to their parents. Chancing a glance at a woman who was evidently Greyson's mother perched next to him on the bed, she turned back to the boy before she spoke. She learned that the kids trusted her easier if she spoke directly to them. 

"Hi Greyson, Finn here has to call me Dr Griffin but you can call me Clarke" 

First names always helped as well. 

"Looks like you aren't feeling too well huh?"

The boy shook his head weekly, curling further into his mother at his side.

"Okay we are just going to run a few tests so that we can help you okay, while Finn is getting you ready is it okay if I have a chat with your mom"

Once again the boy just nodded but Clarke was slightly heartened by the fact that at least he was letting his mom go. 

"Finn order an echo and a CT" she directed the nurse "Miss Moore would you mind following me this way" Clarke smiled at the women who gave a kiss to her sons head before getting up and following. 

Clarke led her into a quiet family room off to the side of the ward which was thankfully unoccupied. The pale yellow walls were entirely too cheerful for the conversations that usually happened in there.

"Take a seat Miss Moore, I just want to have a quick chat about your son" 

"It's Lauren" the woman smiled an exhausted smile as she took a seat. 

"Okay Lauren, Dr Griffin" she smiled back thrusting out her hand for a handshake that was quickly reciprocated "I have your son's charts and medical history but I would like to hear the story directly from you if you don't mind" 

"Not at all" the woman got ready to relay the facts, clearly used to doing so. 

"Greyson was born with Tetralogy of Fallout, he had surgery when he was younger but since then it has just been one complication after another. He's had 15 surgeries all up as I'm sure you can see but now they are saying he has end stage heart disease and everyone we have seen says there is nothing they can do" she breaks down at the end, stubborn tears spilling out of her eyes. 

Clarke's heart aches for her and as much as she wishes she could just cry with the woman she knows she can't, to do so would not only be unprofessional it would also be overstepping the strict patient boundaries she had setup for herself. Instead she put a comforting hand on the woman's back. 

"May I ask why you brought him here then?" She already half knows the answer but wants to make sure anyway. 

"We heard that you have a new heart surgeon and that she is meant to be good, I have to give my son a chance Dr Griffin, have to try and do something at least"  
Clarke nodded in understanding. 

"Dr Woods is an excellent heart surgeon Lauren, one of the very best, but I'm not sure if even she will be able to do anything" 

Lauren face crumpled once more,the tears now falling more freely.

"I will ask her to consult though, get her thoughts and then we can go from there" Clarke asserted doing absolutely everything she could as was the case for all of her patients.

"Thank you" Lauren sniffed out "there is another thing" she sighed dejectedly "I can't afford a costly surgery Dr Griffin, our insurance will no longer cover it given the prognosis and I haven't been able to work for the last few years. My mother gave us some money to get us here but it will barely last another night and it's all we have"

Clarke had been involved with cases like this before, the financial toll a sick child could have was extraordinary, completely debilitating in the cases of a lot of families. For many it was simply too much, lack of funds not allowing their loved one to be treated in all manners possible meaning there was always questions after they were gone, always what ifs.

"I will see what I can do Lauren" Clarke replied kindly "please take all the time you need in here before going back to be with your son, I will be with you both as soon as I have news"

Clarke left top he room feeling terrible, the struggles of a mother and the likely negative outcome for her child was never easy to deal with. Sighing, she ran her hand through her hair and undid the top two buttons of her shirt, the button up now feeling entirely too claustrophobic.

Picking up some previous scans of Greyson's as she passed the nurses desk she exited the Peds wing like a woman on a mission, she exited in search of Lexa.

 

***

 

Eventually Clarke managed to find Dr Woods in the courtyard, sitting next to Anya both guzzling a large coffee. The two got on well, Anya admiring Lexa's self assured attitude and understated wit whilst Lexa was never scared away by Anya's scowls and generally less than cheerful disposition. They didn't talk all that much when they were together, preferring to lounge in quiet stoicism, but when they did it was usually in sharp quips and friendly banter. 

"I need a favour" Clarke said as she dropped the charts unceremoniously on the table causing both girls to jump in surprise, Lexa almost choking on her coffee. 

"Jesus Griffin, hell of a way to go about getting it" Anya grumbled back at her "what do you need?" 

"A consult, I have a patient who has end stage heart disease" 

"And this is where I'm out" Anya slid her chair from the table, playfully pushing Lexa's face as she left. Lexa just scrunched up her face in disgust and then emitted a small chuckle before putting on her glasses and picking up the charts. 

"Cardiomyopathy" Lexa surmised as she skimmed through the charts and took a look at the old scans.

"That's what the other doctors have been saying, I have ordered new scans to make sure" 

"How old is this patient?" 

"Seven" 

"His heart is a mess" Lexa sighed 

"He's had a lot of surgeries" Clarke supplied in answer though she probably didn't need to.

"I can tell" 

"Is there anything you can do?" 

"Outside of what has already been done, maybe not" Lexa was still flicking through the charts, intently digesting every bit of information, every last surgery the boy had suffered through and every medication he had been on. 

Clarke's heart sank, it was the likely outcome but it didn't make it any less shitty. 

"Is he on the transplant list?" Lexa asked suddenly, putting the charts down and coming to face Clarke. 

"Would he be a candidate?" 

"Maybe" Lexa tilted her head front side to side, biting her lip in consideration "there would be a chance for him but not a huge one" she concluded 

"His mother's distraught, she would jump at anything" Clarke supplied, knowing that Lauren would most definitely do anything to give her son a chance. That kind on love was dangerous sometimes of course, parents could be so hell bent on trying ensure their child's survival that they often didn't consider what was actually best for the children themselves. 

"It might not be the best option, I would have to assess him" 

"Anything would help" 

"I'll be there to see him this afternoon" Lexa nodded and Clarke just smiled back in thanks, knowing that she would have to drop another bombshell. 

"There's a catch" 

"Go on" Lexa prompted, laughing at Clarke 's hesitance. She was doubtful that anything the other Doctor could say would be that bad. 

"They don't have the money to pay for any type of surgery" Clarke almost winced, unsure what the reaction would be. She didn't think Lexa would have an issue with it but sometimes it was hard to tell, Clarke had certainly met surgeons who wouldn't even so much as consult if they weren't getting paid for it. It was fair of course, they were providing a service and should be compensated as such, but with the type of money they could earn it didn't hurt to give back every once in a while. 

"We would be doing it pro bono" 

"We would be doing it pro bono" Clarke repeated nodding in confirmation.

"Okay" Lexa said simply, shrugging and picking up the charts to flip through them again. It was that easy and Clarke was a little shocked. 

"That's it?"

"Did you expect me to refuse?" 

"No I just thought I may have to do a little more convincing is all, you know bring out the sob story and all that" 

"It's not my first time doing pro bono work Clarke, I used to do it quite a bit in New York actually" 

"Okay, well great" Clarke stood suddenly feeling a bit awkward that she didn't have faith in her friend from the get go.

"I will see you this afternoon" she scrambled away from the table before she heard Lexa shout an amused "Clarke" from behind her. 

"Hmmm?" Clarke turned to face the table again, her face slightly redder than normal. 

"Did you not want your charts back?" Lexa held up one of the offending items, a playful smirk gracing her lips. 

"Right yes of course" Clarke hurried back to the table, fighting the urge to slap a hand to her forehand at her own idiocy. She gathered the charts up messily in her arms, the awkwardly shaped items all but spilling out of her grasp. Clarke clung to the charts for dear life just wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible and not wanting to take the time to organise them properly. 

"See you later" Clarke supplied be for stalking out of the courtyard, thankful that she managed to keep a hold of everything. 

Lexa just watched the girl leave with a bemused expression, not entirely sure what had just happened.

 

***

 

"Dr Griffin" Lexa greeted Clarke as she arrived in the Peds wing, a small smile and a nod of her head the only indication that they were anything more than colleagues. 

Clarke had always admired Lexa's ability to switch back into work mode, the doctor being able to flit so easily between their professional and personal relationships where Clarke often struggled. More than once Clarke had to stop herself from referring to Dr Woods as Lexa in front of the interns. It wasn't like they discussed it but Clarke liked the lines they had drawn, it made there friendship feel like more than just colleagues who had a few things in common. Whilst they were actively working with other people present they were Dr's Griffin and Woods respectively. Any other time they could simply be Clarke and Lexa. 

"Dr Woods" Clarke nodded in response, somehow maintaining the professional facade in the face of Lexa in her white surgical coat. 

"Patients in room six" Clarke started to walk to the room, fingers moving over her shoulder ordering for Lexa to follow. 

As they approached the door they almost ran into Finn. Clarke could swear she saw his cheeks pink slightly, the nurse averting his gaze to the floor as he walked by. She would have to ask him about it later. 

"Greyson" Clarke addressed the young boy in front of her, the tubes and wires making him look somehow smaller "remember Dr Woods I was telling you about, she is just here to check up on you okay?"

The boy nodded weakly, about the most reaction Clarke had managed to get out of him so far. It was clear that he was shy but he was also scared beyond belief. 

Clarke watched intently as Lexa moved fully into the room curious to see how Lexa would deal with the young patient.If stories from Octavia were to be believed Dr Woods was always professional in a friendly manner when dealing with patients but never too personal. Unfortunately sometimes to work with children, to gain their trust, there needed to be a level of personal connection. 

"Greyson is it?" Lexa smiled sweetly as she got closer to the patient, the boy again only nodding back. 

"Well Greyson I know Dr Griffin over there insists on calling me Dr Woods because I'm a very important person" Lexa moved closer to the boys ear then her voice dropping to a whisper that was still audible "but between you and me I'm not that important so you can call me Lexa" 

Greyson cracked a faint smile at that but it was nothing compared to the one threatening to split Clarke 's face, Lexa's demeanor was making her heart swell a little. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Lauren relax a little, the woman now content that the new flashy doctor would not scare her son. 

"So Yankees huh?" Lexa asked pointing to the hat propped on Greysons bedside table "shouldn't you be supporting the mariners?" 

"They suck" the boy replied quietly and Clarke did a double take, wondering if she had really heard the words come out the boys mouth. 

Lexa let out a full belly laugh in reply, nodding in agreement "they sure do" 

"Can I tell you a secret?" Lexa asked, still smiling down at the boy "I once treated Derek Jeter"

"No way" Greyson exclaimed in shock, the enthusiasm defying his current state.

"Uh-huh it's true, can I tell you another secret?"

"Yeah" the young patient was fully engaged now, his eyes brighter and his small body dragged up into a half sitting position. 

"He wasn't a very good patient" Lexa chuckled "he kept on complaining about how cold my stethoscope was, I bet you could be better than him"

"No way, I could never be better than Jeter" 

"Well let me examine you and I will tell you" Lexa challenged, raising the end of her stethoscope to hover over the boys chest as she did so. The boy gave a firm nod, an indication that he was up for the challenge. 

"Okay I'm going to lift your shirt okay, and the stethoscope will be cold remember"

Lexa gathered the shirt gently so that it was scrunched up under Greysons armpits and proceeded to listen to the boys heart for a few minutes. Once she was done she moved the stethoscope to his back, again keeping it there for a few minutes before gently lowering the boys shirt. Greyson was perfectly behaved throughout the whole ordeal, barely venue flinching at the cold metal as it was pressed to him. 

"Oh our definitely better than Jeter" Lexa asserted causing a grin to spread over Greyson's face. She rummaged around in her pocket a little before pulling out a Yankees pin and placing it on the table in front of the young child. 

"Your reward" she smiled before adding "I'm just going to speak to your mum and doctor Griffin outside okay?" 

Clarke, who had been observing the whole interaction as if it were a baby animal video on YouTube, suddenly snapped to when Lexa spoke her name. She managed to gain her composure in time to follow Lexa out of the room but not before catching Greyson snatching the pin from the table, analysing it intently with a look of awe on his face. Clarke knew that she definitely wasn't his favourite doctor anymore. 

 

***

 

"Mrs Moore it's nice to meet you though I wish it were in better circumstances" Lexa spoke in greeting as the three woman were settled in the same room Clarke had led Lauren to previously. 

"Dr Woods, you come highly recommended" Lauren said as she shook Lexa's and firmly. 

"Just on that I would like to ask you to please not let my reputation influence any decision you may have to make over this conversation, heart surgery is never without risks Mrs Moore no matter who is operating"

The woman nodded in understanding though Clarke wasn't sure if she completely meant it, she was looking for someone to pin all of her hopes on and that someone could be Lexa. 

"There is a surgery that we can do that may help Greyson but his chances for survival would not be great" Lexa stated, her voice unwavering, strong, confident. This was the professional Dr Woods Octavia had been alluding to.

"Please Dr Woods, I'm willing to listen to anything if it will give him a shot" Lauren all but begged, the desperation evident in her tone. 

"Greyson is a candidate for a heart transplant, I have checked and a previous doctor of his thankfully had him registered on the transfer list, we can move his status up to urgent and we could have a heart within a few days" 

Miss Moore was listening intently, her face scrunching under the weight of a potential decision with every word uttered. 

"General about 85 percent of patients survive a transplant initially however in Greyson's case the odds are much worse, I'm afraid his body is only borderline strong enough to survive open heart surgery and even if he did there is no guarantee the heart wouldn't be rejected somewhere in the next few years" it was not nice to hear and Lexa certainly spoke solemnly when she said the words, but Lauren needed to hear them, needed to make a completely informed decision. 

"And without it?" The woman asked, a single tear spilling down one cheek. 

"The chances hat he would survive longer than a month are extremely minimal" Lexa supplied 

"When will you have to know?"

"The sooner the better if we want to get him moved up to urgent status, ideally by tonight but we could stretch to the morning" 

"I need to talk to my son" the woman spoke quietly, hurrying out of the rooms leaving Lexa and an up to that point silent Clarke in her wake. 

"She will go for it" Clarke uttered, confident that she had a good enough read on the woman to know what decision she would make. 

"You think?" Lexa let out a long breath, her shoulders slumping into her chair. 

"Wouldn't you?" 

"I'm not sure, sometimes I think I would rather take a month and know it was going to end than take a shot and not know at all, a month, even with all of that hanging over you, is better than no time at all" Lexa spoke whilst staring off into the distance, her eyes had fogged over as if she wasn't really present in the room at all in that moment. 

"And the potential years are better than a month" Clarke challenged, patting Lexa's leg as she did so enticing the girl to snap back to being present. 

"And that's how fucked up this all is" Lexa sighed "I don't envy that woman at all" 

 

***

 

In the end it took an hour. 60 measly minutes to decide to take a shot at everything even with the risk of it all being snatched away. Clarke couldn't say she was surprised when Lauren came to her stating firmly that the transplant was to go ahead, there was something in the women's eyes right from the start that told Clarke everything she needed to know about the mothers mindset. 

Since then it had been all go, they had bumped Greyson up to urgent on the standby list and though a heart may not be located for a few days both Clarke and Lexa were reluctant to go home for the night. Instead they stood shoulder to shoulder at 2am, peering into the room where Greyson currently lay sleeping, his outline along with his mother's in the chair beside him illuminated by the harsh glow of the hospital lights. 

"You think he actually knows what's about to happen?" Lexa asked softly breaking the silence that had settled over the peds wing. To anyone else it would have been an eerie one but both doctors were, by now, certainly used to spending quiet nights in deserted hallways.

"He's a smart kid" Clarke responded without actually really answering.

"Maybe so but do you think he really understands that this could be it, that he could go into this surgery and never wake up?" Lexa questioned again, not giving up. 

Clarke turned to face her then, studying her fellow doctors profile whilst she looked over the boy. 

"He probably doesn't know the ins and outs" she admitted before taking a steadying breath "but the kids that come in here are usually pretty perceptive, they usually get a sense for what's happening, apparently us adults aren't nearly as good at hiding things as we think we are" Clarke stated earning an almost imperceptible smirk from Lexa.

"So whilst he may be six and not really know what death is he certainly knows something is happening and he definitely knows it's bad" Clark finished, hating that she had to be so morbid.

"They do" Lexa responded still not taking her eyes away from the boy and throwing Clarke through a loop.

"Sorry?" 

"Six year olds, they do know what death is, at least they do if they are that closely involved with it" Lexa answered as if the conversation hadn't taken an entirely different turn. Clarke was confused about whether it was merely a statement or some kind of admission.

Her mind still reeling, she almost didn't hear when Lexa uttered "you're good with them" turning to face Clarke as she did so. 

"The kids?" 

Lexa gave a soft nod in response.

"I've just been here for too long" Clarke said flippantly with a wave of her hand "but you, Derek Jeter, come on!" Clarke exclaimed "how can I compete with that?" 

"That's all flash and no substance" Lexa chuckled "but you really seem to get them, you put them at ease by just walking through the door, it's easy to tell that they adore you"

Clarke was touched at the compliment but couldn't help but think that Lexa was selling herself short. He had had numerous consults with important surgeons in her working career and not many of them had made one of her patients light up like Lexa did in a few short minutes. She decided to tell Lexa as much, deflecting the compliment the other doctor had given her.  
"You're selling yourself short Doctor Woods, that kid in there barely uttered a word and then he meets you and suddenly he's smiling and laughing. I may know how to treat children, and I should hope so by now, but clearly you do too and you don't even do this as a full time job" 

"Well I think you happen to be selling yourself short too Doctor Griffin" Lexa replied, a smirk gracing her lips but the atmosphere between the two now strangely charged.

Clarke held eye contact with Lexa not knowing what to say but not quite ready to ruin the moment by looking away. Unfortunately two pagers going off ruined the moment for her. 

Scrambling and slightly blushing both doctors grabbed for their pagers, springing into action as they read the message.

"They've located a heart" Clarke spoke to no one in particular, her voice filled with awe. 

"That's what we were expecting to happen Clarke" Lexa chuckled at the other doctors wondrous expression. 

"I know, I know, but it was so quick"

"Welcome to the glamorous life of heart surgery" Lexa smirked "now I'll go meet them on the helipad, you prep him for surgery, he should have been fasting for long enough now" she finished whilst running to the stairwell. 

Clarke barely had time to process what Lexa was saying before she was gone, the slam of the door behind her the only mark of Lexa's presence. Quickly deciding she better get up to the speed of the other doctor Clarke shook her head slightly, unscrambling her brain, before heading into room 6 to wake her patient up.

 

***

 

It was all going so well until it wasn't. They were hours into the surgery, everything plain sailing up until that point, when Greyson started coding, his small body not being able to take the stress of yet another complicated surgery. Try as she might, and boy did she try, Lexa could not get the little boy stabilised and so after 5 hours of surgery and 40 minuted of coding Dr Woods called out the time of death to the shrill melody of a heartbreaking flatline. 

It was a somber moment and whilst everyone in the room had certainly experienced losing a patient before the utter devastation of this particular case was palpable. It was a strong possibility that they would lose him of course, in fact it was more probable than not, and Clarke tried to tell herself this as she finished scrubbing out, tried to will the same train of thought to Lexa as the other doctor cleaned her hands besides her not uttering a word. It didn't help though, whether probable or not losing a young patient who should have had their whole lives ahead of them stung. 

"I'm happy to talk to the mother if you would like" Lexa said, the slight raspiness in her voice the only indication of her current struggles. Now was not the time for breaking down, now was the time for putting on a brave face and completing the worst task their job required of them.

"I should go too" Clarke replied, drying her hands and following Lexa out of the OR. They were the only words the two of them spoke to each other before completing the long walk down the hallway and watching a mother breakdown at the news that her son was dead. 

 

***

 

"Come here often?" Clarke bellowed into the wind at Lexa, the doctor sat all alone in the middle of the helipad on the roof of the hospital, rain lightly sprinkling down around her.  
It had been a couple of hours since the two had informed Laura about Greyson's death, both going their separate ways after to deal with things in their own way. After a while though Clarke had decided that maybe they should talk it through together, that maybe their friendship could help them both at a time like this, so after searching the hospital high and low finally she had found the other doctor at the last place she thought to check. 

"Sometimes" Lexa shrugged solemnly, her now damp hair curling and sticking to her forehead. It was the least put together Clarke had ever seen the other women though in in a time like this it was certainly understandable. 

Slowly Clarke came to site beside Lexa, legs crossed, eyes closed and face tilted up to the sky she tried to be still for just a moment, tried to absorb it all. 

"How do you do it?" Lexa asked after a few minuted of silence, Clarke finding green eyes boring into her she opened her own.

"We all lose patients Lexa" 

"But kids Clarke, kids" Lexa exclaimed her voice raising in a mixture of anger and frustration "they don't deserve that, why would you choose peds when you know that this outcome is possible" 

It was a valid question and certainly not the first time Clarke had heard it. Out of all the patients young children dying often had the biggest effect in surgeons, we're the hardest to let go. Going through it a lot wasn't easy by any means but Clarke had learnt that often it was trying that counts, these kids were looking for someone to be appreciate champion for them and although sometimes being that person may have devastating results often it was well worth it. 

"Well they need someone to fight for them" Clarke answered, Lexa's questioning glance imploring her to continue. 

"It just, no offense" Clarke stalled to which Lexa held both hands up clearly not taking any "most doctors seem to opt for the more glamorous fields where all the money is, want the fame and fortune. I didn't want any of that, I just wanted to be as useful and good as I could be and in my case it was being good for these kids, fighting for these kids and making sure that they received the same level of care and dedication as someone with a large brain tumor or unusual heart condition" 

Lexa nodded along as Clarke continued speaking

"And yes days like this are unspeakably awful, and yes I have these days more often than I would like but I also get to see young children get better and get to start planning and living their lives again and that makes up for some of it" 

The two sat in silence for a while, Clarke hoping her words of offered some comfort to Lexa but not really being able to read the other woman's expression. After After a while she tried to lighten the mood some.

"So I've shown you mine, now you show me yours" Clarke smiled slightly at Lexa's confused expression. 

"Why did you chose cardio? " Clarke chuckled

"Oh" Lexa slightly chuckled along with Clarke, a positive sign. "I'm afraid it's not nearly as noble as your reasoning, in fact it was an entirely selfish decision and more than a little cliché" Lexa started, shaking her head a little as she did so. 

"My Mother died when I was 6, she had a massive heart attack, I mean she was 28 and she had at massive heart attack and dropped dead, how does that happen you know?" She sighed and Clarke's her ached for her, her attempt at lightening the mood had spectacularly failed though to be fair to her Clarke hadn't expected that Lexa would spill about her personal life now of all moments. 

"Anyway as as a six year old I vowed that I would do everything in my power to be able to stop that happening to anyone else, like I said totally cliché" 

Lexa had taken to picking at her shoe now, trying desperately to avoid eye contact and Clarke suspected trying to hold back the tears also. 

"I'm sorry, I wouldn't have brought it up if I had known" Clarke said softly, moving her hand on top of Lexa's and stilling its movements. 

"And it's not selfish, or cliché for that matter, look at all the good you have done, your mom would have been very proud of you"

"Now that's cliché" Lexa laughed lightly, hand turning to hold Clarke's. Her eyes were still sad as they peered at Clarke but the mood had been lifted slightly. 

"But true" Clarke asserted giving giving a squeeze of Lexa's hand. 

Lexa took took a deep breath before wiping some rain drops from her face and looking up at the sky with an amused expression. 

"Why does it take us being caught in the rain together to get all deep and meaningful" she smirked and Clarke laughed realising that she had been right all along, their friendship could and would help them both right now.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think, constructive criticism is always welcome.


End file.
